Gottman Method Worksheets

What are Gottman Method Worksheets?

Gottman Method Worksheets are practical tools used in relationship counseling to help individuals and couples identify communication patterns and improve relationship health. Based on the Gottman Method of couple therapy, these worksheets are designed to address problematic behaviors and provide structured strategies to enhance communication and emotional connection.

The Gottman Method, developed by Dr. John Gottman, is rooted in decades of research and has been widely recognized in therapeutic settings.  In particular, these Gottman Method Worksheets focus on recognizing the "four horsemen" behaviors that can be detrimental to relationships and are signals of the end of a relationship (Lisitsa, 2013):

• Criticism
• Stonewalling
• Defensiveness
• Contempt

That doesn't mean that a relationship is doomed if you recognize one or more of these horsemen, it just means that some antidotes are required to prevent the relationship apocalypse. And luckily, that's exactly where our Gottman Method Worksheet can help.

Next, let's look at how this worksheet can help improve your client's relationships.

How to use this Gottman Method-inspired worksheet template

While we've kept our worksheet simple and focused on one concept from Gottman relationship therapy, we have still packed a lot into a single page. To ensure you are confident in getting the most out of our Gottman Method Worksheet in practice, just follow the step-by-step guide provided here:

Step 1: Access the template

To get started with this template, click the "Use template" button to access it through the Carepatron app. Once inside the app, you can customize and complete the worksheet, save it, or share it digitally. Alternatively, you can click the "Download" button to save a non-customizable PDF version, which you can print and fill out manually.

Step 2: Add your client's details

Next, add your or your client/s's name and the date at the top of the page. Adding the date is useful for both keeping your clinical documentation organized, but also for monitoring your client/s's progress over time.

Step 3: Check off the Horsemen

Explain the four horsemen and check off any that your client recognizes as being something they have used in their relationship. After the explaining the concept, you can start ticking off the boxes yourself or have your patient complete the worksheet themselves. Not everyone will have engaged in all four horsemen, so be sure to only check off those that you know they have experience using.

Step 4: Describe what this horseman looks like

In order to help your client/s quickly identify when they are using this horseman in the future, the next activity is to think of examples of when your client has used this horseman in the past. These might be phrases they have used when communicating with their partner or patterns of behavior they have developed when faced with conflict in their relationship.

Step 5: Plan how to incorporate the antidote into the relationship

The last exercise in this worksheet is to brainstorm ways to incorporate the antidote to all of the horsemen checked off. These antidotes might be alternative phrases, behaviors, or soothing activities.

Step 6: Have your client discuss responses

This worksheet is best use with a couple, and it can be beneficial to have the couple help each other create antidotes to the horsemen that have unwittingly become part of their communication. Ensuring the couple are aware of the antidotes the other will be trying to incorporate in the future can also help ensure the success of these interventions.

Who can use this printable Gottman Method Worksheet template?

This Gottman Method Worksheet focuses on one simple concept from the Gottman Method of relationship therapy and, as such, it does not require formal training in this therapeutic method to utilize effectively. That being said, the professionals who will likely be able to get the most value out of this worksheet with their clients are those with a background in couples or relationship counseling, such as:

• Couple's therapists
• Clinical psychologists specializing in relationship counseling
• Marriage counselors
• Gottman Method relationship therapists
• Couple's counselors
• Relationship coaches
• Life coaches

While our worksheet includes reminders of the antidotes of each of these four horsemen, it may be extra helpful for your clients if you can explain the four horsemen concept. Having a background or understanding of this Gottman principle will be advantageous for you and your clients.

How is this template useful for therapists?

Using the Gottman Method Worksheet provides therapists with a simple yet effective tool to help clients improve their relationship health. It focuses on key behaviors that may be contributing to communication breakdowns or emotional disconnect, giving clients the framework they need to recognize these issues and work toward positive change.

Couple's therapy exercise

This worksheet can provide a great exercise for couples therapy sessions. Simply provide a short explanation of the four horsemen, provide the worksheet to both members of the couple, and once completed, let the discussion of their responses flow. This may also help them improve their emotional connection and their communication skills.

Therapy “homework”

Keeping up the therapeutic work between sessions can be tough for your clients as life gets in the way, which is why many practitioners choose to assign therapy “homework” to their clients. This worksheet is a great, short assignment for your clients to ensure they are keeping up the good work between sessions with you.

Help your clients practice self-reflection

Completing this worksheet is a great way for your clients to learn to take responsibility for their part in their relationship conflicts by practicing self-reflection. Coming up with specific instances of times they have engaged in one or more of the relationship horsemen will motivate them to acknowledge their past behavior and move forward in a different way.

Benefits of Gottman Method Worksheet Template

The benefits of using the Gottman Method Worksheet in clinical practice extend beyond simple self-awareness. This template can serve as a springboard for deeper conversations, encouraging active listening and mutual understanding between partners.

Flexible worksheet template

The worksheet is designed to be adaptable for various couples, no matter the specific challenges they face. This flexibility ensures that it can be used by therapists working with clients who are dealing with different levels of communication or relationship issues. By addressing specific areas like criticism or stonewalling, the worksheet can be tailored to fit the needs of each couple.

Create specific solutions

The worksheet helps clients develop clear and actionable strategies to improve their communication. By focusing on the antidotes to destructive behaviors, clients are encouraged to create specific solutions they can immediately apply in their relationship. This ensures that the work they do in therapy leads to practical and measurable progress.

Encourages healthier conversation starters

One of the key benefits of the worksheet is that it promotes healthy "conversation starters." Clients are encouraged to reflect on the behaviors they’ve exhibited and develop new, healthier ways to initiate conversations. This not only helps resolve conflicts but also fosters deeper emotional connections between partners.

Promotes active listening

By identifying their communication patterns and working on antidotes, the worksheet encourages clients to practice active listening. This is a critical skill in relationships and helps improve understanding between partners, ensuring that both parties feel heard and valued.

Reference

Lisitsa, E. (2013, April 24). The four horsemen: Criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. The Gottman Institute. https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-horsemen-recognizing-criticism-contempt-defensiveness-and-stonewalling/#:~:text=The%20Four%20Horsemen%3A%20Criticism%2C%20Contempt