Assertive Communication Techniques Handout

What is assertive communication?

Assertive communication is defined as “the ability to speak and interact in a manner that considers and respects the rights and opinions of others while also standing up for your rights, needs, and personal boundaries” (Pipas & Jaradat, 2010). This communication style allows individuals to express themselves confidently and clearly without using aggressive and passive communication.

In contrast to passive and aggressive communication, assertive communication strikes a balance that promotes healthy interactions. Passive communication often leads to unmet needs and can leave individuals feeling frustrated, as they may suppress their opinions to avoid conflict. On the other hand, aggressive communication can manifest as aggressive behavior, which disregards the feelings of others and often results in damaged relationships and increased tension.

Assertive communication empowers individuals to maintain control over their interactions by promoting mutual respect and understanding. It enables them to set healthy boundaries and communicate their needs effectively without resorting to the extremes of aggressive or passive communication.

By employing an assertive communication style, individuals can articulate their thoughts and needs while still respecting those of others. This approach fosters fulfilling positive relationships based on mutual understanding and respect. When individuals communicate assertively, they create an environment where everyone feels valued, which enhances collaboration and reduces conflict.

4 assertive communication techniques

Assertive communication techniques are essential for anyone looking to express themselves confidently while fostering positive relationships based on mutual respect. By using these strategies, individuals can avoid situations that might make them feel frustrated and instead promote clear, respectful dialogue. Here are key strategies to help individuals develop an assertive communication style:

Use "I" statements to express feelings

One key element of assertive behavior is the use of "I" statements to convey emotions without assigning blame. This technique focuses on the speaker’s feelings and helps others understand their perspective, which can lead to more fulfilling, positive relationships.

Clearly state needs

To communicate assertively, it’s important to be direct and clear about one’s expectations. Assuming others know what is needed can lead to misunderstandings. By stating needs clearly, a person can establish mutual respect and set the foundation for stronger relationships

Keep the conversation present-focused

An assertive communication style involves addressing the present rather than focusing on past grievances. By avoiding broad statements like "you always" or "you never," a person can prevent escalation and maintain mutual respect during discussions.

Practice assertive body language

Assertive behavior extends beyond words to include non-verbal cues. Positive assertive body language, such as maintaining eye contact, standing or sitting with good posture, and using a calm tone, helps convey messages confidently and encourages open communication.

How does our Assertive Communication Techniques Handout work?

Our Assertive Communication Techniques Handout includes four key assertive communication techniques that your clients can use to enhance their communication skills and foster positive relationships. It also discusses the XYZ* formula of assertive communication, allowing your clients to express their feelings and needs clearly while maintaining mutual respect. Follow these steps to use the template:

Step 1: Download the handout

Get a copy of the handout by clicking "Use Template" for the in-app version. You can also choose "Download" to get the PDF version.

Step 2: Review the techniques

Take time to carefully read through the four key assertive communication techniques outlined in the handout. Each technique is designed to help your clients enhance their communication skills and improve their interactions with others.

Step 3: Understand the XYZ* formula

Familiarize yourself with the XYZ* formula of assertive communication. This formula helps clients articulate their feelings and needs more effectively. Discuss how to effectively use the formula to express emotions without assigning blame, enabling clearer and more constructive conversations.

Step 4: Use the handout during your session

Incorporate the handout into your sessions with clients. Utilize it as a guide to facilitate discussions on assertive communication. Walk through each technique with them, providing examples and encouraging them to share their thoughts and experiences.

Characteristics of assertive communication

According to Pipas and Jaradat (2010) and Bishop (2013), assertive communication involves both non-verbal and verbal behaviors. The following traits contribute to effective and respectful assertive communicators:

Non-verbal characteristics

• Direct eye contact: Demonstrates confidence and shows that the person is not intimidated.
• Assertive posture/stance: Strikes a balance between appearing too aggressive and too passive, signaling confidence without hostility.
• Tone of voice: Should be firm and confident without being aggressive, ensuring the message is assertive yet respectful.
• Facial expression: Avoids showing anger or anxiety to maintain a calm and composed demeanor.
• Timing: Social awareness is key to choosing the appropriate moment to communicate assertively, ensuring the message is well-received (e.g., avoiding requests during inappropriate situations).

Verbal characteristics

• Clarity: Clear and specific language is used to effectively communicate needs or desires.
• Non-threatening: Avoids blame, threats, or ultimatums in order to foster open dialogue and mutual respect.
• Positive framing: Requests are phrased in a positive manner to encourage cooperation (e.g., “I bought two laundry hampers. Would you please use one for your clothes?”).
• No criticism: Refrains from self-criticism or blaming others, focusing instead on assertively expressing one’s own needs without attacking or belittling anyone involved.

References

Bishop, S. (2013). Develop your assertiveness. Kogan Page Ltd.

Maria, D., Pipaş, & Jaradat, M. (2011). Assertive communication skills. Annales Universitatis Apulensis Series Oeconomica, 12(2). http://www.oeconomica.uab.ro/upload/lucrari/1220102/17.pdf