Marriage Assessment Worksheet

What is the purpose of a marriage assessment?

Marriage is a lifelong commitment between couples who decide to build a life together, support each other through challenges, celebrate successes, and grow both individually and as a partnership. However, as time passes, some issues or problems arise.

In a 2022 report in the United States, there were 2,065,905 marriages and 673,989 divorces in 45 reporting states and D.C., with a divorce rate of 2.4 per 1,000 population (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention & National Center for Health Statistics (NCHS) National Vital Statistics System, 2022).

While some relationships aren't built to last forever, couples need to check and assess the health of their marriage to ensure a fulfilling relationship with their spouse. Addressing issues early on can help deepen the relationship and foster marital growth. A marriage assessment examines different aspects of a marital relationship. The goal is for couples to understand their strengths and areas for improvement.

Factors that influence a marriage

Marital success does not depend solely on one factor. Based on the lived experiences of successful married individuals, premarital psychological and social factors significantly influence marital success, including responsibility, emotional maturity, flexibility, optimism, commitment, intimacy, financial management, realistic expectations, and respectful communication with families of origin (BahadorMotlagh et al., 2024).

Furthermore, the dynamic goal theory of marital satisfaction posits that marital goals evolve over the lifespan. This impacts satisfaction based on their achievement. Communication patterns and cultural values also play crucial roles in prioritizing and achieving these goals (Li & Fung, 2011).

Based on these studies, we've selected salient themes or areas and included them in our worksheet for couples to explore and focus on. This will help them develop the skills to navigate their marriage's evolving dynamics and enhance long-term satisfaction. Here are these seven areas or factors that can influence a marriage.

1. Communication

Effective communication is the foundation of a healthy marriage. It involves expressing thoughts and feelings clearly and listening actively and empathetically to your partner. For instance, discussing daily events, sharing dreams, and resolving misunderstandings through open dialogue can strengthen the bond between spouses.

2. Conflict resolution

Every marriage encounters conflicts, but how couples handle these disagreements can make or break their relationship. When partners are emotionally mature, they can listen to each other's perspectives, manage their emotions effectively, and find constructive solutions without resorting to hostility or defensiveness.

3. Intimacy and connection

Intimacy goes beyond physical affection. It encompasses emotional closeness and a deep connection. This can be nurtured through small gestures like holding hands, spending quality time together, and sharing personal thoughts and feelings. Building intimacy might also involve trying new activities together or maintaining traditions that bring you closer.

4. Roles and responsibilities

Setting realistic expectations is crucial in defining roles and responsibilities within a marriage. Moreover, by establishing clear agreements on household chores and financial duties, couples can prevent conflicts and ensure mutual support. For example, recognizing each partner's strengths and preferences, such as one enjoying cooking while the other prefers cleaning, can lead to a more balanced division of labor in the household.

5. Financial management

Money matters are a common source of tension in marriages, so effective financial management is crucial. This involves budgeting, saving, and making joint decisions about significant expenses to ensure both partners are on the same page. Couples might set financial goals together, like saving for a house or retirement planning to build a secure future.

6. Family and social life

Balancing time between your partner, family, and friends is vital for a well-rounded marriage. This means respecting each other's family ties and social networks while creating a shared social life. For example, attending family gatherings and having mutual friends can enhance your connection and support system.

7. Future and goals

Marriage goals, like personal growth, companionship, and practical aims, change as people age. When couples share dreams, like having kids or planning their careers, it brings them closer and gives them direction. Checking in on these goals regularly helps them stay relevant and achievable.

When would clients need this worksheet?

Using this worksheet for your clients is not only limited to when they are facing challenges in a relationship. In fact, they can use it for various reasons:

1. Relationship check-in: Couples can occasionally assess the health of their relationship, identify areas for improvement, and strengthen their bond, even when things are going well.
2. Navigating transitions: During significant life transitions, such as parenting or facing career changes, clients can use the worksheet to identify potential challenges and maintain a strong connection with their partner.
3. Continuous growth: It can provide opportunities for ongoing growth and development in the relationship. Assessment encourages couples to reflect on their dynamics, communicate openly and regularly, and set goals together.

Regular assessment will allow couples to strengthen their love and improve themselves, which is particularly beneficial when considering or raising children.

How to use our Marriage Assessment Worksheet

A wife and husband's journey to marriage assessment requires commitment from both partners. As a counselor, you need resources and tools to facilitate this discussion. Fortunately, our Marriage Assessment Worksheet is an easy-to-use resource that can be easily incorporated into your counseling sessions. Follow the steps below: 

Step 1: Download the template

Download and print the Marriage Assessment Worksheet template. Ensure each partner has a copy to fill out individually.

Step 2: Explain the purpose

Explain to your clients that the worksheet aims to promote honest communication and identify strengths and areas for improvement in their relationship.

Step 3: Complete the worksheet separately

Although our worksheet provides space for each individual, ask them to complete it independently first. Emphasize the importance of honest and thoughtful responses to gain accurate insights.

Step 4: Discuss and compile responses together

Once both partners have completed their worksheets, facilitate a discussion in which they share their responses. To compare them, they can now input their compiled responses in another blank worksheet. Encourage open dialogue and active listening to understand each other's perspectives.

Step 5: Identify common themes and differences

Help the couple identify common themes in their answers and any significant differences. Discuss how these insights can guide their relationship improvement efforts and resolve conflict.

Step 6: Develop an action plan

Work with the couple to develop an action plan based on their worksheet responses. Focus on improvement areas and leverage their strengths to foster a healthier relationship.

Benefits of this worksheet to a marriage counselor 

This worksheet can make counseling sessions more interesting and helpful for marriage counselors. Here are four ways it can help:

1. Organized check-in: The worksheet helps organize thoughts and feelings about the relationship, making it easier to discuss during counseling.
2. Insightful discussions: By prompting couples to reflect on their relationship and articulate their thoughts and feelings, the worksheet fosters insightful discussions that can deepen understanding and strengthen their connection.
3. Spotting patterns: By looking at the worksheet answers, counselors can see if any habits or problems persist in the relationship.
4. Empowerment and ownership: Completing the worksheet empowers couples to take ownership of their relationship journey as they actively participate in self-reflection and goal-setting, leading to a sense of agency and commitment to change.

Remember, each client's experiences are unique, and it's essential to tailor your counseling sessions to fit their specific needs. 

References

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, & National Center for Health Statistics (NCHS) National Vital Statistics System. (2022). Provisional number of marriages and marriage rate: United States, 2000-2022. https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/dvs/marriage-divorce/national-marriage-divorce-rates-00-22.pdf

BahadorMotlagh, M. M., Rasooli, M., Gramipour, M., & Mohsenzadeh, F. (2024). Identifying psycho-social factors premarital affecting the success of marriage: Examining the lived experiences of successful married women and men from the premarital period. Journal of Psychological Science, 23(134), 339-358. https://doi.org/10.52547/JPS.23.134.339

Li, T., & Fung, H. H. (2011). The dynamic goal theory of marital satisfaction. Review of General Psychology, 15(3), 246–254. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0024694