Relationship Contract

What is a Relationship Contract template?

A Relationship Contract Template is a written document outlining the agreements, expectations, boundaries, and responsibilities typically shared between individuals in a romantic relationship, but can also be utilized in platonic, familial, or work relationships. It's a way for individuals to openly communicate and define various aspects of their relationships; rather than hold legal obligations, a Relationship Contract offers clarity for people to develop a shared vision. 

Creating a Relationship Contract fosters and encourages openness, honesty, and courage. Its creation provides an opportunity for individuals to express what matters most to them within a relationship, and although difficult to do, it can have long-lasting benefits on the expectations and communication within the relationship. Put wisely by American writer Mandy Len Catron on relational contracting, “Every relationship is contractual. We’re just making the terms explicit” (Tagle & Schneider, 2022). 

This tool or exercise gives power to the individuals to shy away from problematic and passive ideas tied to romance and instead focus on agency and thoughtfulness in intimate relationships. This is not a legally binding document but rather a clear expression of the parameters unique to that particular relationship. A Relationship Contract is a mutual agreement between partners that outlines the expectations, boundaries, and responsibilities within the relationship. 

It's a proactive approach to fostering healthy communication, establishing guidelines, and maintaining transparency. These contracts usually cover various aspects of the relationship, such as financial matters, division of household chores, communication preferences, personal space, fidelity, and future goals. Each partner openly discusses their needs, desires, and non-negotiables, allowing both parties to understand each other's perspectives and create a framework for a fulfilling partnership.

These contracts are not about depriving spontaneity or romance; instead, they serve as a tool to build trust and respect by acknowledging and honoring each other's needs. They provide a clear roadmap for navigating potential conflicts or misunderstandings by referring back to agreed-upon terms. 

It is important to note that the contract's success lies in its flexibility and adaptability to changing circumstances. Regular check-ins and revisions are crucial to accommodate personal growth or shifts in the relationship dynamics.

How does it work?

Our free printable Relationship Contract offers the scaffolding for this important tool and outlines aspects of the relationship to discuss, define, and refine. Here’s how to use this fully digital template:

Step 1: Download the template

Download a copy of the Relationship Contract form using the link on this page or from the Carepatron app. Alternatively, you may access it from our resources library.

Step 2: Dedicate time and energy to filling the form

Have all parties agree on a suitable time and place where everyone involved can devote a good amount of time and energy to the contract-making process. The discussions facilitated through the document may be difficult or bring up difficult emotions. It is important that everyone feels at ease and heard during the process. It may suit those involved in the relationship to look over the contract beforehand, think over certain aspects for discussion, and even fill the document in over a few sessions. 

Step 3: Fill up and sign the contract

Once conclusions, expectations, and goals are set, and all parties agree with them, sign the document and ensure everyone has their own copy so that you can refer to it in case of any disagreement or dispute.

Step 4: Follow up and review

The successful implementation of a Relationship Contract lies in its ability to be reviewed and adapted to change with the individual's circumstances or feelings. Set dates in the future to discuss how the contract is suiting all parties and whether changes need to be made or whether goals aren't being met. 

When would you use this template?

A Relationship Contract can be utilized in various scenarios and instigated by the individuals themselves or suggested by relationship coaches, counselors, or therapists. Below are some scenarios where a Relationship Contract may be utilized:

New relationships

Implementing a contract early on can establish a strong foundation, fostering mutual understanding and preventing misunderstandings.

Transitioning phases

During significant life changes like moving in together, getting married, or starting a family, a contract can help manage expectations and responsibilities.

Rebuilding trust

After a breach of trust or during relationship repair, a contract can assist in rebuilding trust by setting clear boundaries and expectations.

Conflict resolution

When conflicts arise repeatedly due to misunderstandings or differing expectations, a contract can serve as a guide for resolving issues.

Long-distance relationships

Creating a contract can be helpful in maintaining a healthy long-distance relationship by establishing communication guidelines and expectations.

Second chances

In reconciliations after separations or breakups, a contract can help re-establish boundaries and rebuild the relationship on new terms.

Ultimately, a Relationship Contract is most effective when all partners willingly communicate openly and honestly. It's about mutual respect, understanding, and a shared commitment to nurturing a healthy and fulfilling relationship. 

What do the results mean?

A Relationship Contract is a mutual agreement between partners that outlines their relationship's terms, expectations, boundaries, and responsibilities. It's a formal or informal document that serves as a guide, establishing the framework for how the partners interact, communicate, and handle various aspects of their partnership. This contract can cover various topics based on the couple's needs and preferences. The ‘results’ or agreements made may include and outline: 

Communication

How and when to communicate, preferred methods (text, call, in-person), and guidelines for resolving conflicts respectfully.

Financial matters

How finances will be managed, whether joint or separate accounts, responsibilities for bills, savings goals, and spending habits.

Household chores

Division of household tasks, cleaning schedules, and expectations regarding shared responsibilities.

Personal space and time

Respect for individual hobbies, alone time, and boundaries regarding personal space.

Fidelity and boundaries

Agreement on fidelity, exclusivity, and boundaries regarding interactions with others, both in-person and online.

Future plans

Discussions about long-term goals, such as marriage, children, career aspirations, and where the partners envision their relationship heading.

The outcomes of a Relationship Contract can be profound and positive. First, it promotes a deep understanding between partners, fostering open communication and clarity about each other's needs, desires, and boundaries. This clarity often leads to increased trust and mutual respect within the relationship. The creation of a Relationship Contract has the potential to set a foundation for a healthier and more harmonious partnership by providing a structured framework for handling conflicts and resolving misunderstandings. 

Defining expectations and responsibilities minimizes potential sources of tension or disagreement, reducing conflicts and misunderstandings. A Relationship Contract encourages accountability and commitment. Partners become more conscious of honoring the terms they've agreed upon, fostering a sense of reliability and dedication to the relationship's well-being. Overall, the outcomes of a Relationship Contract often include strengthened trust, improved communication, a clearer understanding of each other's needs, and a more resilient foundation for a fulfilling and lasting partnership.

Research & evidence

Growing in popularity, the use of Relationship Contracts helps individuals manage expectations in a society that is oversaturated with societal influences. Some sociologists say our expectations for our romantic partners are higher now than ever. Work conducted by Bernard Murstein in 1977 found that marriages rooted in reciprocity were less successful, and this ‘score-taking’ approach has links to resentment (Murstein et al., 1977).

Relationship Contracts need to be built on an eagerness for better communication rather than a looming threat on someone else's expectations of you. Relationship Contracts are often proposed as mandates instead of tools for betterment, making the research around them few and far between. What is being discussed, though, is the implementation of these kinds of contracts in place of marriage documents or civil unions. 

For those who don’t want marriage but still want to solidify a commitment and obligation to each other's goals, a Relationship Contract can be a reassuring tool when entering or sustaining a relationship. Over the last 50 years in the U.S, marriage rates have dropped by nearly 60%, and societal attitudes toward a committed relationship are rapidly changing (Cruz, 2013). Although the rates are falling, the idea of marriage still holds value; it's just that marriage seems to be occurring at different times for different reasons. Sociologist of Johns Hopkins, Andrew Cherlin notes that people are more likely to marry after finishing education, finding a job, and settling debt before considering marriage (Pandey, 2023). Since 1990, the number of women entering their fist marriage between the ages of 40 to 59 has increased by 75% (Pandey, 2023).

The changing structure of what intimate relationships are and can be, and also people's willingness for radical and clear communication within these arrangements, is making the use of Relationship Contracts a valid and reassuring step for healthy futures in partnership. 

References

Cruz, J. (2013). Marriage: More Than a Century of Change. https://www.bgsu.edu/content/dam/BGSU/college-of-arts-and-sciences/NCFMR/documents/FP/FP-13-13.pdf

Murstein, B. I., Cerreto, M., & Donald, M. G. M. (1977). A Theory and Investigation of the Effect of Exchange-Orientation on Marriage and Friendship. Journal of Marriage and Family, 39(3), 543–548. https://doi.org/10.2307/350908

Pandey, E. (2023, February 25). Marriage is on the decline in the U.S. Axios. https://www.axios.com/2023/02/25/marriage-declining-single-dating-taxes-relationships

Tagle, A., & Schneider, C. M. (2022, December 21). From housework to sex, here’s how Relationship Contracts can help couples. NPR.