The Emotional Effects of Stonewalling Handout

What is stonewalling?

Stonewalling is a behavior in which individuals consciously withdraw from communication or refuse to cooperate during conflicts or sensitive discussions. It manifests in several behavioral characteristics, such as avoiding emotional topics, showing discomfort in discussing personal feelings, providing dismissive responses, evading questions, having unresponsive body language, abruptly disengaging, or refusing to disengage.

Avoidant individuals, those with definitive personalities, narcissistic tendencies, passive-aggressive behavior, and communication difficulties, are prone to stonewalling. When faced with conflict, these people may exhibit stonewalling behavior in situations like legal proceedings, diplomacy and negotiations, the workplace, and romantic relationships or marriage.

Stonewalling can be seen as a coping mechanism or defense mechanism for individuals who feel overwhelmed by their emotions or cannot cope with a stressful situation. In some cases, it can even be a form of emotional abuse.

If this behavior is used for longer than a short period or as a temporary coping mechanism and becomes habitual, it can severely impact relationships, leading to prolonged emotional disconnection and unresolved issues. Furthermore, by evading direct engagement or providing minimalistic responses, individuals obstruct the flow of productive communication and hinder the process of understanding and resolving underlying issues.

The Emotional Effects of Stonewalling

Stonewalling can profoundly impact the person subjected to it. This behavior can elicit a range of distressing emotions and psychological effects, such as the following:

Feelings of abandonment and rejection

When someone stonewalls another, it creates a sense of abandonment and rejection. The abrupt halt in communication leaves the individual feeling as though they have been emotionally deserted, left to grapple with unresolved issues or concerns on their own. This emotional vacuum can breed feelings of loneliness and isolation, amplifying the pain of unaddressed emotional needs and eroding emotional intimacy, leading to a breakdown of trust and closeness in the relationship.

Heightened insecurity and self-doubt

Stonewalling fosters a deep-seated insecurity within the recipient, as the stonewaller's behavior of emotionally disengaging sends a message that their partner’s thoughts, feelings, or concerns are unworthy of acknowledgment or consideration. This dismissal can trigger self-doubt and create emotional distance, causing the individual to question their worthiness or the validity of their emotions. In the absence of validation or reassurance, feelings of inadequacy and uncertainty about the relationship’s foundation can intensify.

Emotional distress and psychological impact

The silent treatment inherent in stonewalling inflicts emotional distress. Being ignored or disregarded can evoke profound hurt, frustration, and helplessness, making the recipient feel frustrated and powerless. Over time, experiencing repeated episodes of stonewalling may contribute to heightened anxiety, as the uncertainty of when or if communication will resume fuels anticipatory stress. In more severe cases, prolonged exposure to stonewalling can even precipitate symptoms of depression, as feelings of powerlessness and emotional withdrawal or disconnection take their toll on mental well-being.

How to use our template?

Using The Emotional Effects of Stonewalling template effectively can streamline the process of discussing and addressing the topic in a structured and informative manner. Here's a step-by-step guide on how to utilize a template for this purpose:

Step 1: Access the template

Click the buttons or links in this guide to download a copy of our template on The Emotional Effects of Stonewalling.

Step 2: Discuss with your patient

Introduce stonewalling and highlight the significance of discussing its emotional effects, especially if the patient shares that their partner is exhibiting stonewalling behaviors. Go over the sections and discuss.

Don't forget to summarize the key points and reinforce the importance of recognizing and addressing the effects of fostering an emotional connection with each of those with whom you have healthy relationships.

Step 3: Provide recommendations

Before you go, you can include recommendations for addressing stonewalling in relationships or workplaces. Note them down in the additional notes section provided in the template.

Strategies to address stonewalling

Effective strategies are crucial to fostering understanding, promoting communication, and rebuilding emotional connections when confronted with stonewalling in relationships. Here are key approaches to address stonewalling you can recommend to your patient:

Foster open communication

Encourage open dialogue within the relationship. It is essential to establish a safe and non-judgmental environment where both parties feel comfortable expressing their thoughts and emotions. This openness cultivates trust and enables constructive discussions, reducing the likelihood of resorting to stonewalling as a defensive mechanism. Encouraging your patients to practice active listening skills, such as responding calmly and maintaining eye contact, can help both partners feel heard and valued.

Recognize behavioral patterns

Awareness of stonewalling behaviors and their underlying triggers is paramount. By recognizing when stonewalling occurs and understanding the circumstances that precipitate it, individuals can proactively address these patterns. This awareness empowers both partners to intervene early, whether one partner is engaging in intentional or unintentional stonewalling, facilitating more effective communication and conflict resolution.

Establish break signals

Establishing agreed-upon break signals can be beneficial when stonewalling is a recurring issue. These signals, whether verbal cues, phrases, or gestures, indicate the need for a pause in the conversation. Taking a break allows individuals to self-soothe and manage heightened emotions, which can help both parties communicate effectively and approach discussions with greater clarity and composure.

Seek professional guidance

Remind your patients that they can come to you to navigate better stonewalling within the relationship, as you can provide valuable tools, insights, and accountability to address entrenched, consistent stonewalling habits. Furthermore, you can also facilitate productive communication, help uncover underlying issues, and support collaborative efforts toward healthier relational dynamics.