Signs of Gaslighting in Patient's Relationships

What is gaslighting?

Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse characterized by manipulation, where one person undermines the reality of another, leading them to question their own perceptions, thoughts, and memories. This can manifest through persistent denial, misdirection, or outright deception, making the victim feel confused and insecure in their understanding of events. A gaslighter can also exploit the victim's perceived character flaw, making them feel guilty and responsible for the gaslighter's behavior.

This can cause significant mental health concerns, leading the victim to internalize undue blame and self-doubt. The gaslighter may portray the victim's responses as irrational or overly emotional, reinforcing feelings of inadequacy. This psychological abuse can also escalate in severity, particularly when the abuser exhibits traits commonly associated with narcissistic personality disorder.

The term "gaslighting" finds its roots in the 1938 British thriller play Gas Light by Patrick Hamilton, which was subsequently adapted into the 1940 British film Gaslight. This film was later remade in America in 1944, also bearing the title Gaslight. The American version has since become the primary reference for the term (Hoberman, 2019; Wilkinson, 2017).

Today, the term is applied to a wide variety of contexts, from politics to workplace dynamics, and even healthcare. The term is most commonly used in the context of romantic relationships, especially abusive relationships (Abramson, 2014; Gass & Nichols, 1988).

10 warning signs of gaslighting in relationships

Individuals may become victims of gaslighting in various types of relationships. Gaslighting can also occur within a person's own family or with their closest friends. Here are 10 warning signs to look out for in your patient's relationships:

1. Constantly questioning the victim's memory

Gaslighters often manipulate their victims' perception of reality. They may continuously question the victim's memory or suggest that they are remembering things incorrectly. This can lead to the victim doubting their own memories and feeling confused about what is true.

2. Blaming the victim for everything

In abusive relationships, a person gaslighting their partner often deflects blame onto them regardless of the situation. This abusive person's behavior can create feelings of worthlessness and low self-esteem in the victim, making them feel as if they are responsible for all the problems in the relationship. The continuous blame can lead to a distorted sense of reality, causing the victim to second-guess their own judgment and emotional intelligence.

3. Making small issues into such a big deal

Gaslighters often exaggerate or blow-up small issues as a way to manipulate their victims. They may use these minor disagreements as an opportunity to undermine the victim's beliefs and make them question their own judgment. This behavior can be used to gain power in a relationship and create a sense of control over the victim.

4. Denying their own behavior

One of the major warning signs of gaslighting is when the abuser denies their own gaslighting behavior. They may try to convince the victim that they are overreacting or imagining things, making it seem like such a big deal. This can lead to feelings of confusion and self-doubt in the victim, causing them to question their own perception of reality.

5. Causing isolation from friends and family

Gaslighters often try to isolate their victims from their support systems. They may discourage the victim from spending time with friends and family or create conflicts within those relationships. This can leave the victim feeling alone and dependent on the gaslighter for validation, making it easier for the abuser to manipulate and control them.

6. Engaging in power struggles

In an abusive relationship, there is often a constant battle for power between the abuser and the victim. Gaslighters will use any means necessary to maintain control over their victims, including manipulation, intimidation, and threats. This creates a cycle of power struggles that can be exhausting and damaging for the victim.

7. Using projection tactics

Gaslighters often employ projection as a manipulation technique, where they attribute their own negative behaviors or feelings onto the victim. For instance, if the gaslighter is being deceitful, they may accuse the victim of lying or being untrustworthy. This not only confuses the victim but also shifts blame away from the abuser, making the victim feel as though they are the ones in the wrong.

8. Creating a sense of unreality

Gaslighters may distort or deny facts and experiences that have occurred, leading the victim to feel as though they are losing touch with their own reality. They might insist that certain events never happened or that the victim is misremembering important interactions. This constant disregard for the victim’s reality can culminate in severe psychological distress and a fractured sense of self.

9. Undermining the victim’s confidence

Through various tactics, gaslighters aim to erode the victim's self-esteem and confidence. They might frequently criticize or belittle the victim’s decisions, abilities, or worth, making them feel unworthy or incompetent. Over time, this consistent undermining can leave victims feeling powerless and incapable of trusting their own instincts.

10. Minimizing the victim's feelings

Gaslighters often trivialize the victim's emotions, making them feel as if their feelings are invalid or exaggerated. Phrases like “you’re too sensitive” or “you’re making a big deal out of nothing” are common. This minimization not only invalidates the victim’s experiences but also perpetuates a cycle of guilt and shame, effectively silencing their legitimate concerns and emotions.

Importance of looking out for signs of gaslighting

Recognizing and addressing gaslighting can help your patients feel heard, validated, and empowered. Individuals who have experienced gaslighting may struggle with low self-esteem, trust issues, and difficulty making decisions.

By being aware of the signs and taking steps to prevent or address gaslighting, you can create a safe and supportive environment for your patients. Additionally, it is important for healthcare professionals to educate themselves on gaslighting tactics in order to better support and advocate for their patients who may be experiencing it.

For patients, being informed about gaslighting and learning to recognize its signs can empower them to speak up for themselves and seek help if needed. It is also important for patients to trust their instincts and not let anyone dismiss or invalidate their experiences or concerns.

How to help your patients cope with gaslighting

It is important to provide a safe and supportive space for your patients to talk about their experiences. Here are some ways you can help your patients cope with gaslighting:

• Validate their feelings and experiences: Let your patients know that their feelings and experiences are not only valid but also worthy of acknowledgment. It's crucial to actively listen and affirm their emotions, creating a supportive space where they feel seen and heard.
• Encourage open communication: Foster an environment where your patients feel safe and secure in expressing their thoughts and concerns. This means being approachable and non-judgmental, allowing them to share their experiences without the fear of being dismissed or judged.
• Educate them on gaslighting tactics: Provide your patients with information about common gaslighting tactics, such as manipulation, denial, and questioning their reality. This education empowers them to recognize these signs and to understand that they are not alone in their experiences. You can also use various exercises and worksheets, such as Carepatron's Gaslighting Worksheet, to help educate your patients about gaslighting.
• Assist in building self-esteem: Work with your patients to focus on their strengths and positive qualities. Encourage practices that boost their self-confidence, such as affirmations and self-reflection, helping them to trust their own thoughts and feelings as valid and important.
• Provide resources: Ensure your patients have easy access to this information so they can seek help and connect with others who understand their struggles. Resources for those dealing with gaslighting include the National Domestic Violence Hotline, which provides a 24/7 hotline for domestic violence and abuse and the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), which offers support and resources for those experiencing gaslighting in a mental health context.

Main takeaways

Gaslighting is a harmful form of emotional manipulation that can have serious impacts on an individual's mental and emotional well-being, which may even lead to various mental health disorders. As a mental health professional, it is important to be aware of gaslighting and its effects, as well as how you can support patients who may be experiencing it.

By creating a safe and non-judgmental environment, educating patients on gaslighting tactics, assisting in building self-esteem, providing resources, and collaborating with other healthcare professionals, you can empower our patients and help them in their journey towards healing and recovery.

It's also crucial for individuals to recognize and acknowledge gaslighting in their relationships, whether it be with a romantic partner, family member, friend, or even a healthcare provider. By setting boundaries and seeking support from trusted individuals or professionals, individuals can begin to break free from the cycle of gaslighting and regain control over their lives.

References

Abramson, K. (2014). Turning up the lights on gaslighting. Philosophical Perspectives, 28(1), 1–30. https://doi.org/10.1111/phpe.12046

Gass, G. Z., & Nichols, W. C. (1988). Gaslighting: A marital syndrome. Contemporary Family Therapy, 10(1), 3–16. https://doi.org/10.1007/bf00922429

Hoberman, J. (2019, August 23). Why “Gaslight” hasn’t lost its glow (published 2019). The New York Times. https://www.nytimes.com/2019/08/21/arts/gaslight-movie-afterlife.html

Wilkinson, A. (2017, January 21). What is gaslighting? The 1944 film gaslight is the best explainer. Vox. https://www.vox.com/culture/2017/1/21/14315372/what-is-gaslighting-gaslight-movie-ingrid-bergman